Top 5 list for young dumb and unhappy:

If you're unhappy, you're probably not young and dumb. You might even be somewhat intelligent but just getting older. The most common cure regardless, is finding someone special to cherish and stop the internal debate with your alter-ego.

But if you truly aspire to exit your self-diagnosed depression in a young and dumb fashion, then here's what you do:

Get a credit card

With some extra cash to spend you're more likely to to break your current habits. You should worry less about consequences and focus on what makes you enthusiastic.

Apply to the military

A sense of belonging, getting fit and a ton of new friends. Discipline is the way forward. You'll be literally forced to change. I can already hear the chopper crew coming to pull you out of your parent's basement.

Try an anime girlfriend

Get professional help

Dating

A professional therapist, why on earth would that be the way to go? But just in case, here's a link:

Great support and advice can come from anywhere. Who knows where it will lead you.

The world is full of crazy people, I'm sure there's even one capable of loving you. I mean it's probably 50/50, but there's only one way to find out.

(Use the code THERAPY20 for a discount.)